Monthly Archives: August 2014

How I found happiness in the loneliness



Most often I come across these words, how do you manage to live all day home all by yourself? Do you watch television all the time instead?

I met someone and in regular conversations and she stated these lines”I am so much used to be going out and doing things that I can barely manage to be alone for one single day, my school college and work I was busy all the time”. And then she asked me how do you manage? Do you wish to work or not? And I go about and say ” yeah I do love to work”. Since I don’t know her well and want to quit the topic I moved on.

However let me introduce myself my ideas , thoughts and vision of life. I was just like this girl who never sat at home and took active part in chats and talking about sitting at home and being lonely is the most useless thing.
However life is always different from plans and at times stranger than fiction. Getting married in a different state, relocating every 3- 4 years raising a kid, living away from parents and friends only ended up being lonely for a large part of the day.

Living in an alien land like Japan where you don’t the language and also look like an alien, it was me who had the company of myself.
As I mentioned the thought of being home alone for several days was a nightmare, I was living that not many people around to talk to not many options on the television to watch and searching and browsing on the internet was so boring.
I look at myself in the mirror and say “why do I have to be like this alone?”, I want to be with my friends and family. I stare at myself and look closely “I look blessed” I have good food, good cloths, good health, nice house, everything but I don’t feel blessed.
Why is that I feel depressed all the time? Why I am unhappy about myself all the time? Because I don’t have any body around all the time. A tear rolls down my eyes.

Today I can clearly explain what happens to us when we say “I have always been busy with school, college and work”.
The fact is we have not been busy but we are consumed over intensely by the environment that surrounds us. Our eyes are consumed seeing the roads crowded by people on our way to school, college and work. Our hands are consumed driving our cars or playing on other phones or doing any other miscellaneous activities on our way. And rest of our body is is ideal and our brain is consumed by all These things going around us and at last we reach school, college, work do our routine jobs and at the end of the day we feel happy that I am busy all my life. Just pull out the fact of going to school college and work. We are just useless? No worth at all? I wander what should I do with my life? I have hell lot of time and I am bored and finally I am depressed if this thing continues for long.

This kind of being busy is just a state of consumption mindless consumption of ourselves!!!!

So does it means to be meaningful preservation in being lonely? Well both of the scenarios are extreme. There is a very simple way in between. We must initially learn to spend quality time with ourselves. As the most important person in our lives are we to ourselves and our own happiness encourages us to make others around us happy.
What does it means to spend time with oneself? It is to understand who we are? What are our strengths are, or likes are? What were are dreams and aspirations in childhood? Are we really living up to our dreams and aspirations? Is there anything I can do today to fulfill my dream for tomorrow? Is there anything I wanted to learn then but never found the time to do it? Is there anything I want to change for myself or others?


Once you have answered some of these questions or once you get friends with yourself you will always feel emerged and busy with yourself the depression and sadness of being lonely will be replaced with inner joy and fulfillment, that kind of a joy only you can give it to yourself.

This concept does not mean one must not be social or deprive ourselves from the world and people around, but we must be aware that we have a great deal of activities for ourselves and there lies a huge universe of things to learn and indulge oneself in it.
When we learn to be mindful of our activities we learn to spend quality time with others and grow to realize what is good company and bad company. The joy of being with oneself may lead to huge transformation and may bring us so close to ourselves and we feel empowered at all times, independent, fearless and most important of all respectful of oneself.

To our minds it seems busy as we are habitual if going to school, college and work and we believe that value creation in life happens only when one is out in the world undertaking challenges thrown to us by job or school or college and only then we have opportunities for growth and development. This is certainly true but if we live and cling on this thought forever we will certainly lose. Certainly we will grow old one day, certainly one day our children will leave us, or jobs will be taken away from us.
All the factors of being busy will be pulled away at one point of time in life from us, and that stage (old age) we don’t even want to think about will be reality then we fall into depression of loneliness, without family, no children around, no work to do and therefore we tend to term ourselves as worthless, and degrade ourselves, cultivate the feeling of jealousy for people around.

Happiness in life may be derived from wealth possession but true happiness and greater joys are derived when we discover our true qualities and potentials and when we can use them to create lasting happiness. This kind of self happiness can never be taken away by anybody or no factors can be pulled away from us, as I will never leave the company of myself.

And as I write this passage, this is one of my hidden desires I discovered by spending quality time with myself. Initially it was a deliberate process to free myself from the social and internet consumption, now it seems easy to slip into the company of myself instead and enjoy the joy of being lonely.