Category Archives: self refect

The Incredible Power of Praise

presented by the ceo, matthew gray

Every time we interact with our children, we create a bond of love and nit the relationship with our children, the way parents speak and the words they say to them stay with them forever and creates a lifelong impression on the child.

A growing number of parents are aware about the impacts of their words leave on the children. A large number of population of parents have understood the importance of praise and have adopted to praise and motivate their children, yet the is lot more to the technique of praising children, it is not only to say ‘Wow you did a good job!’. It is the amount of praise and the way we appreciate them makes a huge difference and brings a massive difference on how they behave and deliver the best results.

Below are outlined some of  the basic and most common scenarios to praise and appreciate children and also outlining best way of communicating, that helps the little child to not only feel proud and confident about themselves but also gives them deeper understanding about their strengths and weakness.

Scenario 1:

General praise: Wow, you are  excellent at maths!

Impact: The idea that creeps into the child’s mind, through general praise maybe that he/she is excellent at maths, and do not need to focus or maybe not pay further attention in maths. These kinds of open ended sentences can maybe misleading or sometimes damaging to a child’s future ability in any particular subject.

Descriptive praise: I have noticed you have been working out hard to work out the right answers, to these problems, you have greatly improved your skills in maths.

 

Scenario 2:

General praise: You were being really amazing today!

Impact: makes a child to be self obsessed and overstating his/her own abilities. Does not give specific information on what they did well and how to repeat the good action again.

Descriptive praise: I really liked that you shared your toys with your friends and siblings, I can see that you are getting more responsible and caring, I am so happy about it.

 

Scenario 3:

General praise: You are quite active, You will be winning all the competitions on the sports day!

Impact: These praises might negatively effect the moral of children, when they do not win, and make them weak and morally vulnerable in the event of failure.

Descriptive praise: On most of the practice sessions you had a good concentration, which meant you could run fast than last time, well done!

 

Scenario 4:

General praise: You are a superstar in the class!

Impact:These praises can excessively boost moral of the child and may also lead to behavioural issues, as for little children are not completely experienced to handle vague and bogus talks. These praises also don’t give specifics to a child on his/her areas of improvements.

Descriptive praise: You pronounced the words clearly having a constant smile on your face and facing towards the audience, you looked very excited saying your lines. I loved to watch your performance.

 

Scenario 5:

General Praise: You could be an excellent painter when you grow up!

Impact: Doesn’t focus on efforts and present abilities of a child.

Descriptive praise:  You seem to have good knowledge about the colours and canvas, would you show me how to mix, these colours?

It is important that parents and carers are mindful of their praises and the idea they convey through their words. A descriptive praise is often more useful as it gives more understanding of the family values and rules, and gives children greater understanding of their weakness and areas of improvements. Descriptive praises are a powerful tool to help children become willing to accept failure and stand back up for a new challenge.

 

 

 

 

5 basics of effective learning

Learning is an inevitable activity which starts right from birth. Active or passive we are always absorbing information and learning from our environment. Learning maintains an ever rising curve and happens throughout our lives.

We learn new things from people, places, experiences. Anything and everything we come in contact with, leaves an impression on our minds. The ideas or concepts we learn are sometimes pleasing sometimes confusing and sometimes very important and useful.

To keep up with the pace of the modern world it has become absolute necessary to learn and retain information is at a rapid pace. The human brain is processing exponential information like never before. Pick any activity to learn cook, to learn to drive, to learn to play music, to learn to make friends every time the mind is looking for effortless and successful ways of learning. Knowledge is the key to a successful happy life and learning is the door to the ocean of knowledge.

Below are outlined the 5 basics of effective and easy learnings.

1. Ensure happiness through out the learning period.

For a mind to learn and retain new concepts happiness is the key ingredient. Do not stress to learn or understand a particular concept. Remember if you are unhappy, or at discomfort or just in low spirits, then there is no productive learning taking place. Understand that the concept or subject is not being well received by the mind. learning a concept on an unhappy stressed mind is like trashing it. Teachers and mentors must always be mindful of happiness in their sessions and be creative and tactful wherever needed to ensure a successful transfer of knowledge.

2. Plan breaks or intervals:

Allocating sufficient time for breaks and intervals is vital for effective learning, breaks and time offs  helps to successfully grasp and retain the new concept. Not only plan only plan for learning time, and steps and procedures but also space time for post learning relaxation time. Relaxation time helps to detox the mind and remove the unwanted information collected in the learning session. It  refreshes the minds. Gives time for the new concept to retain in mind. Breaks help in building motivation to learn more.

3. Repeat the same concept over and over again:

Irrespective of the discipline be it sports, music, or academic repetition is unavoidable. Reading the same text, playing the same cord or practising a brush stroke over several days have immense advantages. It helps to build and lay down the foundation in the mind to learn the new discipline. It also helps strengthening the memory patterns and shifting the concept from short term memory to long term memory. Emphasising a concept for hours in a day and not revisiting again next day will, just go down the drain.

4. Recall or ask questions:

To understand and evaluate how far a concept is understood it is very important to allocate time for recall in the learning session. Active recall by asking questions helps to engage the mind in newly learnt concept and leave impressions on the mind. It helps to sustain the learning for a longer period of time. Recall helps to identify parts of the discipline which were are not understood in the recent learning session.

5. Eliminate procrastination:

Learning new concepts and discipline mostly activates pain and discomfort in the mind as it seems an unfamiliar task for the mind to perform. Most people procrastinate or give excuses to learn something absolute new or that seem alien to them.

Pain or discomfort generated by learning a new unfamiliar concept can be eliminated by convincing the mind that boring task is only going to last for a pre decided time or couple of minutes. And  they are required to give their best only for these couple of minutes. For the  limited time just focus on the steps involved in doing that task  rather than focusing on the output. The output could be defined as a particular music note, the standard of handwriting,  reading number of pages of a text book.

Focusing on the steps involved in doing the boring task rather than the output is hyper productive. Engage the mind to work on the unpleasant task  for a couple of minutes to establish comfortability with the difficult task. Gradually the pre decided times can be increased and slowly you can work your way to the output.

Can looking good anywhere equal worship?

In the close premises of the school of my little one, is located a high school and everyday when I walk down the road that leads to his school I cross paths with numerous high school students.
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And in that brief movement when I look at them the though that strikes me is their beauty, for children of this age the “Young Adults” it is most important to look beautiful and fab. And non of them misses this point and even in their similar uniforms every one looks uniquely pretty and handsome. They look as if, camera ready to walk the ramp, instead they are walking to “High School”.

And I wonder why as adults we don’t get this point to look good, as many of the adults look shabby or poorly dressed? Because at teenage we must have got it. Let’s explore here.
At the blissful age of, “Teenage” humans get engrossed with the the idea of looking beautiful and handsome. In some young people the need to look outstanding ranks too high. So in their attempts to look picture perfect mostly draws a lot of criticism and in no time sadly are called out as “Dumb Blondes” and “Jerks”. Many young people encounter judgemental statements like “maybe he/she doesn’t do well at high school!! Seems like he/she spends most of their time in front of the mirror”. And slowly as the years go by these young people get trapped in those prejudice in order to fit into the society they undertake the transformation and sadly they lose their individuality and grow ignorant and feel too old to take care of looks.
Feeling oh dear, I am a mother I can’t really find time for my looks anymore!! Oh boy, I am a responsible man can’t spend on my looks!!
This would be a similar story for the people aged 30 and above. For all these people I want to let you know that to spend time and money on beauty and looks is not wrong, it is not against godliness and something very similar to worship of God.

Weired again !! Taking care of looks, applying makeup, visit to a hairdresser equals worship? To all the beauty parlors and salons are now termed as holy shrines, this sound really understandable.

To understand the above statement we must understand the creator and his intentions, when he created this truly blissful plant earth. All that the things that he created hold one thing in common, that every little object in the universe is uniquely beautiful.
Look at the blue waters, at the beach you can’t miss it striking beauty!
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Can you stop being mesmerised by the beauty of the bright sky and the beautiful birds, their vivid beautiful colors, the alluring toucan, the flamingo, the daffodil, the lily the snails? Isn’t the sight of a new born baby breathtaking?The apples and cherries on the trees don’t they offer a heavenly view? Anything that you name it, all that we believe is created by God is always infused with exquisite beauty.

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Everything he creates is beautiful and
STOP!! look at us, “Humans” we stop taking care of the way we look because we are trapped in the judgments of others humans and choose to go in an undesired direction. Is the creator going to be happy to see you shabby? Look into the eyes of your mother, you will see the most beautiful thing on earth.

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So what can be done? How can one break through the fears of being judged as “too old”, “too young” “too fat” “too slim” “too short” “too tall” “too dark” or “too white”. The way out is simple choose to look beautiful and “picture perfect” do not get into the traps of social judgements by friends, colleagues, or any person walking down the road, slid back into your teenage and do all the random experiments. Do all that makes you look beautiful, bolder, younger, take care of your hands, your hair, your skin, your face, wear the cowboy rugs that’s lying in your wardrobe for years and most importantly feel beautiful and only then truly beauty will equal worship since we pay our gratitude to our God for blessing us for all the beauties.

After all, that’s what means true worship to pay gratitude and remembrance to your Lord in each and every action in your life.

Sujata’s printing imagination for word press

Positive approach helps you save millions

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We often come across various approaches towards life and widely accepted and encouraged approach by various motivational speaker is the positive mindset approach.

Think positive, be calm and approach surroundings with a positive response.

However in some scenarios, the person involved is so deeply engraved by the negatives of the surroundings, no matter how effective the positive approach maybe, the emotional imbalances pull back to the person to behave negatively, and keep falling deeper in the vicious circle.

To workout this challenge of negative surroundings, I have come up with a formula, which helps to calculate the money saved by staying positive in huge negative situation or small hindrance. Therefore one remains totally mindful and motivated to follow the “Stay calm, and carry on” approach “The “90% attitude and 10% environment”. formula for happiness.

So lets take up a scenario, of an upsetting situation, where your are pranked purposely by people around you. You tend to fall out of the frame of keep calm, you respond back either by anger, aggression or frustration. Your actions have a huge emotional drain on you and you are left with mental trauma and heavy head. And bingo here you are all, that you need to have an unproductive day and an unsuccessful career. Those are depression and trauma, which you have choose to pull out from the environmental prank.

If you behave differently, such as smile or ignore and let go of the prank/ politics. Keeping in focus your abilities and keep calm and carry on. This way you would not only end up being happy and stable also more productive.

I have devised a formula to demonstrate the keep calm and save millions

1 Negative Stimuli keep calm, let go

= 5 Hours of stable and happy mind
= 5 Hours of productivity

Note: 1 Hour pay rate = £8/hour (UK
Standard rate)

1 Hour productivity
= More satisfied clients per hour
= Greater business growth per Hour
= Greater chances of salary increase and recognition, higher bonus received.

All adds up to the annual outcome.

Keep calm, saved you from all the irrelevant losses and expenses that could have taken place due to lack of positive approach, which could include amounts spent on buying more
Coffee,
Cigarettes,
Office supplies,
Electricity bills( working long hours), Transportation cost ( taking a taxi back home)
And you loose chances of salary hike recognition and bonus.

This stands true even if you are self employed, you incur more expenses and loose all your valuable clients in just a blink of an eye.

5 Hours of efficient output = 8*5 = £40 investment each day.

Stay positive and carry on….

Sujata’s printing imagination for word press

Trap of Poverty implanted by bed time stories

Money is bad

We must have heard that the most important ingredient required for winning is the attitude. Attitudes, behaviors and character are created by various sources.
All aspects of our life are governed by the attitudes we have towards our environment. If we tend to have a negative attitude, the blessings in life eventually fade away.
Money is a very important part of our surroundings and our negative attitudes as fear, detachment, or thinking it of evil all gradually lead to money vanishing from our lives.

“Financial Freedom is a Mental, Emotional and an Educational process” – Robert Kiyosaki (author of Rich Dad, Poor Dad)

I would today like to outline the bad attitudes and negative behavior towards money and identify and learn how they are seeded in my personality.

Attitudes and behaviors are cultivated through various inputs from our surroundings.

1. Parents
2. Social system
3. Culture
4. Religion

Here, I would pick “CULTURE” and highlight how negative attitudes and behaviors are created by cultures.

Cultural background is imparted from one generation mostly through the means of storytelling. Bed time stories and moral stories learnt at school, are a rich source of culture.

Let’s take a look 3 stories we tell our children relating to money and the underlying beliefs these stories form in relations to money and values created.

1) The woodcutter and 3 axes:

This story starts with a background explaining, a poor honest woodcutter ( note: honestly and poverty are linked) looses his only, iron axe in the river mistakenly and refuses to accept the golden axe, the sliver axe and accepts his the iron axe.
This story, sadly underlines honesty leading to a lifestyle, where he continue to be poor.
This story lacks the imagination how a poor person was an opportunist, who availed a golden opportunity or a silver opportunity for a good life keeping in tact his honestly. Whereas the woodcutter chooses, to turn down the golden and silver chances and decides to live in his miser comfort zone.
These are character barriers which the above story narrates and implants blind and pessimist character in the audience towards golden opportunities in life.

2. A greedy merchant gets rid of his bloom of turning everything he touched turn into gold.

The background of this story narrates, a rich miser and selfish merchant ( linking “riches” with negative character being “selfish”) pleases the Goddess of wealth and receives a boom of turning any object he touch, should turn into gold.
On being blessed, by such a boom he becomes over joyed initially but his blessings soon turns into a curse when he is unable to eat or drink anything because his food turns into gold as soon as he touches it, and he starves, he also mistakenly touches his daughter who turns into gold. And finally he regrets and concluded that money is no good in life and gets rid of his boom.
Again, this story is weak, and has a negatively impacting attitude towards money and riches.
The story portrays an imagination that being financially strong translates to bad health and disputed family life. Also creates a mental barrier that those who work hard with dedication and become capable to turn all that they touch into gold will lead to unhappiness in all aspects of life.
This story lacks how the merchant coped with his boom to achieve greater prosperity for self and society, keeping up his health and family happy.
Here there is more a mental destruction, than enhancement.

I would like to narrate a story that contrasts with the above negative beliefs.

3. Story of wit and cleverness of Tenali Raman.

Tenali is described as a very clever and learned person. At the beginning of his successful career he was guided by his Guru ( mentor), to worship the Goddess of wealth to give him directions. He followed the advice and undertook a very diligent worship and was successful in pleasing the Goddess. She appeared and brought along 2 bowls to choose from. One a golden bowl containing milk, which will bless him with riches but he will not have any intellect. On the other hand the sliver bowl containing curd, which will bless him in being a learned person but being poor all his life. Along, with a condition to, choose and eat the contents of only one bowl. And since Tenali Raman was a clever person he mixes the contents of sliver bowl into the golden bowl and eats from the golden bowl. Ensuring he is blessed with riches and intellect both. And thereby fulfills the condition of eating from only one bowl.
This story is a true example of using cleverness to have a financial abundant life along with great intelligence.

Sujata’s printing imagination for word press

The Little Girl, whole day at nursery

I am a parent and I totally understand how it feels, when we part away from our children, even for a brief moment.
I wonder, how the little children feel when they see us going. I express, the feeling of a little girl and the words I saw in her eyes, who stays at nursery whole day away from “Mom”, through this short poem.

When I see the whole world, I find you away not with me Mom.
When I see kids playing with their Mums, I am constantly searching you Mom.
I have my fears Mummy, I feel I am not so strong.
I see my friends jumping with their mums,
I sit aside juggling with my big fears in my little eyes.
I wish you were with me on a Monday morning,
Sitting in the park, we would play hide and seek.
I seek you mother everyday, let’s not play this peeka-boo every morning until evening,
Live with me mummy! Soon I will not be here waiting to see you.
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The change Game

Today at the Mastermind Training, I played this wonderful Game, where a person narrates a story and each time the word “change” is shouted out, the narrator has to completely change the theme of the story and continue with a new background. The activity seemed easy, however when I was actually narrating one, it was a complete mind googling experience.
On my way back, from the training, I was thinking about myself and my response to changes, and changes that have occurred in my life. I would always, cling on to my comfort zone, as most of us do.

However change is inevitable, life evolves, irrespective if you wish to or not. Changing cities, getting married, quitting job, relocating and being a parent, all are significant changes that took place in my life. And the greatest of all which I hated was relocating cities and parting from family and friends. Anyone and everyone who knew me since my childhood is certainly aware of my clinging behavior, and how much I hated moving cities and waying bye.

But, today I am a changed person, the sand beneath my feet feels eroding, but it doesn’t shakes me enough.
What is it that has changed inside me? Why I don’t feel the pain anymore? When I change cities, move away from my friends? I don’t shred a tear!! Instead I m prepared, I am happy.
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Well to pen down my thoughts, it is a clear vision of a “Better Life”.
Novelty is the course of life, anything that does not flow, renews along the course and adapts to the pace of time will become rotten. If we stick, to present and hold on, nothing will blossom.

For the ” Better Life “, the clear picture, that is what I see, when we move cities, change homes, part from our family and go miles away from them. These distances are actually the stepping stones for a better future for me and for me to be able to provide better living for my loved ones.

So, now whenever, I encounter departure, I believe it must be celebrated and welcomed instead of wept for. Because departure is the beginning of a new story, and not the end of the previous one.

Sujata’s printing imagination for word press

5 pretend plays you must let your boys play

As parents and care takers when we think of pretend plays, we immediately categorize our children as girls and boys and then define boundaries for pretend play. These boundaries when planted in childhood get so strong that the little ones can never do away with them.
Pretend plays are kids way of living the adult world. Let’s open a universe of pretend plays for our little boys. The following pretend play for a complete development.

1. Cooking
When ever we think of pretend play and quickly categorise our children into girls and boys and draw huge boundaries for our kids and refrain boys into the kitchen premises. Cooking is an activity through which we are capable of feeding ourselves and bring peace to mind and body. Every child must learn skills to satisfy the basic needs of life irrespective of their gender.
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2. Clean up
Living in a clean environment is vital for good health and life long prosperity, this can only be achieved when every child learns to clean up their own mess every time they play or spill around. The idea behind is to have a cleaner kid to have a cleaner planet. Having good clean up habits will ensure independent clean life long living.

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3. Arranging things
Involving your little boys in stacking  keeping and arranging things in order leads to an amazing logical thinking. Calculating and measuring the space with sizes and shapes. These skills every child must be capable of doing by the age of 5 and boys should also have their hands on this one. By doing little stacking at home.
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4. Negotiations
Like the above stated roles parents of boys must question and challenge the views of their boys instead of accepting this words as final verdict only in the grounds of being a male child. He must be encouraged to negotiate which provides a fair opportunity to boys to learn to validate and justify their opinions. Else in future he will always be short of words to talk things out. This is a life skills which will come handy in all walks or life ranging from corporate jobs to having a healthy married life.
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5. Taking care
Being loved is a basic human requirement. Pretending to play as caring nurse, will not hamper his image or destroy his ego of a being a male. Learning to take care of his toys and expressing love and concern will help him grow into a loving a respecting male, rest assured these plays will make him more human.

Cast of the social transcend image and let’s nurture his childhood.

Sujata’s printing imagination for word press

Girls who lost their core competencies

When I flip back the pages of my life, I remember the remarkable pride I felt about myself of being educated and my universe was complete after having a job. However today I realize i was just another girl in the loosing generation of India.
Who are the loosing generation? What are we loosing and missing out??

So, let me take up an example to elaborate. How absurd does it sounds when one compares apples and oranges and say ” both are equal”. Wired isn’t it? So how does the “Modern” Indian society comes up with this though and says “both boys and girls are equal?”. To underline this statement it does not imply any form of superiority to either. In context to this article, neither the boy is more superior nor the girls inferior.
However the population born in the late 90’s was feed with various complex mind blocks, in specific the middle class girl child. She was trained to participate in a marathon to be more similar to boys. Being able to drive cars and doing jobs. Nothing more. And the basic jobs which our mothers did as carers were being regarded as unworthy and useless. Therefore no emphasis was ever laid by the mother generation to transfer skills of cooking, stitching, knitting, crafting. But these are some of the important life skills which enhance creativity, rational thinking, management skills.

Wait a moment, why there is emphasis of the girls being left behind and not the boys? Because boys are taught to be boys. Boys in this generation lead the girls they manage to improve on their core competencies of basic tool handling, driving, getting to work, and practicing a hobby or a sport. To win over us, this generation boys also started venturing into our core roles of cooking and parenting.

Now to answer the question why and how are girls loosing in competencies if they are not cooking, knitting, creativity, practicing hobby and sport? The reasons are simple, I shall explain in the following contexts
Some task of cooking, home management and creativity were degraded as why would only the girl do? Negated.
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And the remaining activities of hobby and sport were removed from our list because we are a part of a conservative reforming society which swings to and fro between modernizing and traditions and restricts girls to play a sport and express oneself.

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So the poor girls on one hand no value to their skill set and on the other hand has no option to learn only because she’s a girl. The parent generation takes superior pride in having daughters educated and manage to get jobs, however they should also take responsibility for not being able to understand the effects of robbing away the opportunities to teach the core skills of being a girl. Which caused a huge loss of learning and development opportunities for our girl generation.

And to back it up with some fact it is only the Indian middle class girls who suffers, as compared to our counter parts in world over. These mothers take pride in imparting the knowledge of home management, as each one of their daughters do well not only in academics but are also master in some sort of arts, which is an aid for independent survival.

I write this article to lay emphasis to my loosing generation to take pride to in doing all the activities which are categorized for girls and makes you more feminine, which is a celebration of being oneself.

Therefore let’s be aware about the loss we are suffering and not increase its impact on the next generation and not feed the same rigid thought to our daughters and offer a deprived childhood. And train them to be losers and dependent on maids, cooks, laundry, tailor only because the whole social system is on a roller coaster of living like a Boy.

Sujata’s printing imagination for word press