In my recent understanding and learning about being a parent, who has to nurture a child to bring out the best in him as a human being. The actions and roles played by the parents from the day one of being a parent really goes a long way in forming the character of the human being the child will grow up to be.
I recently read a few lines maybe a flyer at a nursery visit, which kept me wondering over and over again. I shall also give the meaning of few words to give a clear understanding of the lines. Which states as follows:
If a child lives with ……
1. Criticism he learns to condemn ( express complete disapproval).
2. Hostility ( unfriendliness or opposition) he learns to fight.
3. Fear, he learns to be apprehensive ( anxious or fearful that something wrong will happen)
4. Jealousy, he learns to be guilty ( responsible for wrong doing)
5. Tolerance ( willingness to tolerate the existence of options), he learns to be patient
6. Encouragement, he learns to be confident (Sure)
7. Praise, he learns to be appreciative (showing gratitude or pleasure)
8. Acceptance ( the art of believing, a positive welcome), he learns to love
9. Approval ( the belief that someone or something is good), he learns to like himself
10. Recognition ( attention or reward ), good to have a goal.
11. Honesty ( sincerity or frankness), he learns what is truth,
12. Fairness ( exhibiting a disposition that is free of favoritism), he learns justice
13. Security, he learns to trust (to place confidence/depend on)
14. Friendliness ( warm, comforting), he learns the world is a nice place to live.
Having learnt this about child physiology and the impacts of various actions they have on childs behaviour. I adopted a few changes and made my actions a little different for the desired results. And therefore, I started talking about giving options/making decision that could be base on the rules of developing confidence, appreciation, goals.
I slowly changed my actions and words rather than just simple let’s leave for home now!, which may sound more demanding and gives a feeling of ” No, more playing” or ” you have done nothing good”. And which may lead to being apprehensive and condemn respectively. Which will lead to sure results of disapproval and no result situation. Now i shall say ” let’s leave for home and then you will have a better chance of playing with Mickey”. Which gives the feeling of recognition and also builds the moods for a new play i.e a new goal to look forward and the desired result is a win win situation. However being a child is not an easy thing, as the tiny little brain may not be able to understand everything and he may say a plain “No”., “I don’t want to do it”.
Caution! Dear mommy don’t get in to the “No” negotiations any you start saying ” No baby it’s time to go home, No more sweets”. You are only teaching more ways to say No. Use the act of giving choices and empowering as a handy tool. Start explaining and talking about doing things at home with Mickey or other activities which sound interesting and leads to engage the tiny little brain to imagine, think and be mesmerised and approve the idea which excites the most and follows the way back to home.
Hurray! You have achieved 2 goals as a parent you have not only made him go back home and however on the way to the process you have also tickled a little bit of tiny thinking and imagination.
In the long run as parents we have to train ourselves to train our children in their behavior. Most cases parenting is not a subject( which is the most powerful tool to shape the future of the world) which we learn at school like maths or science and know the basics rules to get the results. Therefore new parents wander from situation to situation and follow techniques which are predominantly prevailing in the family, society or among friends. Like all hit and tries some are good and some really bad.
The more the child is exposed to giving options and choices and making decisions at an early age and continue doing the same in the future, the child learns to enhance the power of thinking and take control and be more satisfied and confident. And then they are capable of thinking and looking out for options in dead lock situations future in life.
Do you remember any situation in your life, when you faced deadlock situations? How did you feel? Sometimes we do not approve the actions of our friends, maybe your bosses’ order, your teacher’s word or any situation like missing the bus, or no food at home, and many more. Many of us may feel anxious, worried or maybe so disappointed that we may not want to find a way out and just blame. And the empowered ones, who have the training of a leader since childhood of finding options will think imagine about various options of over coming the situation which looks like a dead lock to others. These people in some cases may not even experience anxiety or disapproval. Since the brain is trained to take control and exercise options/choices and making decisions.
Think about it every time you talk to yu little one. What a small tool of asking is leading in the big picture. Consider this idea as an option.