Tag Archives: school

The Incredible Power of Praise

presented by the ceo, matthew gray

Every time we interact with our children, we create a bond of love and nit the relationship with our children, the way parents speak and the words they say to them stay with them forever and creates a lifelong impression on the child.

A growing number of parents are aware about the impacts of their words leave on the children. A large number of population of parents have understood the importance of praise and have adopted to praise and motivate their children, yet the is lot more to the technique of praising children, it is not only to say ‘Wow you did a good job!’. It is the amount of praise and the way we appreciate them makes a huge difference and brings a massive difference on how they behave and deliver the best results.

Below are outlined some of  the basic and most common scenarios to praise and appreciate children and also outlining best way of communicating, that helps the little child to not only feel proud and confident about themselves but also gives them deeper understanding about their strengths and weakness.

Scenario 1:

General praise: Wow, you are  excellent at maths!

Impact: The idea that creeps into the child’s mind, through general praise maybe that he/she is excellent at maths, and do not need to focus or maybe not pay further attention in maths. These kinds of open ended sentences can maybe misleading or sometimes damaging to a child’s future ability in any particular subject.

Descriptive praise: I have noticed you have been working out hard to work out the right answers, to these problems, you have greatly improved your skills in maths.

 

Scenario 2:

General praise: You were being really amazing today!

Impact: makes a child to be self obsessed and overstating his/her own abilities. Does not give specific information on what they did well and how to repeat the good action again.

Descriptive praise: I really liked that you shared your toys with your friends and siblings, I can see that you are getting more responsible and caring, I am so happy about it.

 

Scenario 3:

General praise: You are quite active, You will be winning all the competitions on the sports day!

Impact: These praises might negatively effect the moral of children, when they do not win, and make them weak and morally vulnerable in the event of failure.

Descriptive praise: On most of the practice sessions you had a good concentration, which meant you could run fast than last time, well done!

 

Scenario 4:

General praise: You are a superstar in the class!

Impact:These praises can excessively boost moral of the child and may also lead to behavioural issues, as for little children are not completely experienced to handle vague and bogus talks. These praises also don’t give specifics to a child on his/her areas of improvements.

Descriptive praise: You pronounced the words clearly having a constant smile on your face and facing towards the audience, you looked very excited saying your lines. I loved to watch your performance.

 

Scenario 5:

General Praise: You could be an excellent painter when you grow up!

Impact: Doesn’t focus on efforts and present abilities of a child.

Descriptive praise:  You seem to have good knowledge about the colours and canvas, would you show me how to mix, these colours?

It is important that parents and carers are mindful of their praises and the idea they convey through their words. A descriptive praise is often more useful as it gives more understanding of the family values and rules, and gives children greater understanding of their weakness and areas of improvements. Descriptive praises are a powerful tool to help children become willing to accept failure and stand back up for a new challenge.

 

 

 

 

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How I found happiness in the loneliness

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Most often I come across these words, how do you manage to live all day home all by yourself? Do you watch television all the time instead?

I met someone and in regular conversations and she stated these lines”I am so much used to be going out and doing things that I can barely manage to be alone for one single day, my school college and work I was busy all the time”. And then she asked me how do you manage? Do you wish to work or not? And I go about and say ” yeah I do love to work”. Since I don’t know her well and want to quit the topic I moved on.

However let me introduce myself my ideas , thoughts and vision of life. I was just like this girl who never sat at home and took active part in chats and talking about sitting at home and being lonely is the most useless thing.
However life is always different from plans and at times stranger than fiction. Getting married in a different state, relocating every 3- 4 years raising a kid, living away from parents and friends only ended up being lonely for a large part of the day.

Living in an alien land like Japan where you don’t the language and also look like an alien, it was me who had the company of myself.
As I mentioned the thought of being home alone for several days was a nightmare, I was living that not many people around to talk to not many options on the television to watch and searching and browsing on the internet was so boring.
I look at myself in the mirror and say “why do I have to be like this alone?”, I want to be with my friends and family. I stare at myself and look closely “I look blessed” I have good food, good cloths, good health, nice house, everything but I don’t feel blessed.
Why is that I feel depressed all the time? Why I am unhappy about myself all the time? Because I don’t have any body around all the time. A tear rolls down my eyes.

Today I can clearly explain what happens to us when we say “I have always been busy with school, college and work”.
The fact is we have not been busy but we are consumed over intensely by the environment that surrounds us. Our eyes are consumed seeing the roads crowded by people on our way to school, college and work. Our hands are consumed driving our cars or playing on other phones or doing any other miscellaneous activities on our way. And rest of our body is is ideal and our brain is consumed by all These things going around us and at last we reach school, college, work do our routine jobs and at the end of the day we feel happy that I am busy all my life. Just pull out the fact of going to school college and work. We are just useless? No worth at all? I wander what should I do with my life? I have hell lot of time and I am bored and finally I am depressed if this thing continues for long.

This kind of being busy is just a state of consumption mindless consumption of ourselves!!!!

So does it means to be meaningful preservation in being lonely? Well both of the scenarios are extreme. There is a very simple way in between. We must initially learn to spend quality time with ourselves. As the most important person in our lives are we to ourselves and our own happiness encourages us to make others around us happy.
What does it means to spend time with oneself? It is to understand who we are? What are our strengths are, or likes are? What were are dreams and aspirations in childhood? Are we really living up to our dreams and aspirations? Is there anything I can do today to fulfill my dream for tomorrow? Is there anything I wanted to learn then but never found the time to do it? Is there anything I want to change for myself or others?

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Once you have answered some of these questions or once you get friends with yourself you will always feel emerged and busy with yourself the depression and sadness of being lonely will be replaced with inner joy and fulfillment, that kind of a joy only you can give it to yourself.

This concept does not mean one must not be social or deprive ourselves from the world and people around, but we must be aware that we have a great deal of activities for ourselves and there lies a huge universe of things to learn and indulge oneself in it.
When we learn to be mindful of our activities we learn to spend quality time with others and grow to realize what is good company and bad company. The joy of being with oneself may lead to huge transformation and may bring us so close to ourselves and we feel empowered at all times, independent, fearless and most important of all respectful of oneself.

To our minds it seems busy as we are habitual if going to school, college and work and we believe that value creation in life happens only when one is out in the world undertaking challenges thrown to us by job or school or college and only then we have opportunities for growth and development. This is certainly true but if we live and cling on this thought forever we will certainly lose. Certainly we will grow old one day, certainly one day our children will leave us, or jobs will be taken away from us.
All the factors of being busy will be pulled away at one point of time in life from us, and that stage (old age) we don’t even want to think about will be reality then we fall into depression of loneliness, without family, no children around, no work to do and therefore we tend to term ourselves as worthless, and degrade ourselves, cultivate the feeling of jealousy for people around.

Happiness in life may be derived from wealth possession but true happiness and greater joys are derived when we discover our true qualities and potentials and when we can use them to create lasting happiness. This kind of self happiness can never be taken away by anybody or no factors can be pulled away from us, as I will never leave the company of myself.

And as I write this passage, this is one of my hidden desires I discovered by spending quality time with myself. Initially it was a deliberate process to free myself from the social and internet consumption, now it seems easy to slip into the company of myself instead and enjoy the joy of being lonely.